Schoolkids answer questions about dating and marriage

Do you like children? How many (more) children do you plan to have? Do you prefer to have a boy or girl? If you have children, how has the experience of raising children been different from what you expected? Have you ever heard a child say something that greatly surprised you?

chips and dip : a snack of potato chips or other types of chips eaten with a thick sauce into which they are dipped  • comment : something that you say or write that expresses your opinion  • committed : loyal and willing to give your time and energy to something that you believe in  • compliment : to praise or express admiration for someone  • consciously : in a determined and intentional way  • criteria : a standards by which you judge, decide about or deal with something  • disastrous : extremely bad or unsuccessful  • fate : a power that some people believe causes and controls all events, so that you cannot change or control the way things will happen  • function : the natural purpose (of something) or the duty (of a person)  • gross out : If something grosses you out, you think it is very unpleasant or disgusting  • have in common : to share interests, experiences or other characteristics with someone or something  • intuition : an ability to understand or know something immediately without needing to think about it, learn it or discover it by using reason  • mess with : to use or become involved with something or someone dangerous  • obituary column : section of a newspaper with reports that give the news of people’s deaths and details about their lives  • play dead : pretend to be dead  • signal : to show that you intend or are ready to do something  • process : a series of actions that you take in order to achieve a result  • spouse : husband or wife  • stuck with : have to deal with someone or something unpleasant because you have no choice or because no one else wants to  • turn sour : to become unpleasant or unfriendly  

1 What do most people do on a date?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. (Lynnette, age 8)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. (Martin, age 10)

What do you think of Lynette and Martin’s responses? Do you agree with Lynette that boys have fewer things of importance to say than girls? While you were first dating your spouse or romantic partner, did you tell lies to them in order to make them interested—as Martin suggests one should do? What do you, or did you, usually do on a date? Do you prefer to do the planning for a date, or have the other person do the planning? Have you ever had a particularly memorable date that you would like to share?

2 What should one do on a first date that is turning sour?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns [ > obituary column]. (Craig, age 9)

Have you ever had a particularly disastrous date? What sort of place and activity would you choose for a first date with someone? Have you ever had to avoid someone as Craig said he would do? If so, how did you avoid meeting this person?

3 How can one know when it is appropriate to kiss someone?

When they’re rich. (Pam, age 7)

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.  (Curt, age 7)

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. (Howard, age 8)

Have you ever kissed someone and then discovered after the fact that you shouldn’t have? Do you think kissing someone signals a commitment to them? If not, what action best signals that two people are committed to having a stable relationship with each other?

4 Is it better to be single or married?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out. (Theodore, age 8)

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. (Anita, age 9)

What do you think of Theodore’s comments? Do you think a happy marriage is possible without sex? At what age did you start being attracted to the opposite sex? What do you think of Anita’s comments? For you personally, do you think it is better to be single or married? Why? Do you think there are more people who are married but wish they were single, or vice versa?

5 How should one decide whom to marry?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. (Alan, age 10)

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. (Kirsten, age 10)

Do you agree with Alan that two people must have the same interests in order to have a happy marriage? Do you and your spouse (or significant other) have the same or similar interests? Did your parents? How much do you agree with Kirsten that whom one marries is largely a matter of fate? Thinking back on how you came to marry your spouse (or fall in love with past or present lovers), how much control do you think you had over the process? When you have fallen in love, has it been with someone who met your criteria for someone you could fall in love with, or did it just “happen”? Have you ever felt you were “stuck with” a partner? If you are married, can you describe the process you went through in deciding to marry your current spouse? If you are not married, what are the most important criteria you will use to decide on whom to marry?

– What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

Both don’t want any more kids. [ > Neither of them want any more kids.] (Lori, age 8)

6 What is the right age to get married?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person forever by then. (Camille age 10)

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.  (Freddie, age 6)

Do you agree more with Camille or Freddie? Why? Personally, what do you think is (or was) probably the ideal age for you to get married? How different is (or was) this age from what your parents considered to be the ideal age for you to get married? How much pressure were you (or are you) under to get married quickly? Do you think most people who get married are happy? How about the marriages of your close friends? If you’re willing to talk about it, how about your own marriage (or current romantic relationship)?

7 How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. (Derrick, age 8)

Do you think you have a strong intuition when two people are married? If so, can you explain how you can sense if two people are married or not? Do you think you can tell if a friend of yours is having a sexual relationship with someone else even before he or she tells you? Do you think you and your current (or most recent) marriage or romantic partner make a good couple? What comments have people made about you two?

8 How would the world be different if people didn’t get married?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? (Kelvin, age 8)

Could you ever consider having children outside of marriage? Do you think providing a stable environment for raising children is the most important function of marriage? If not, what do you think is the main function of marriage? How about for you personally? Do you think marriage between homosexuals should be legalized? Why or why not?

9 How can one make a marriage work?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. (Ricky, age 10)

Do you think Ricky’s advice is good? If so, do you think there is any general type of compliment that a wife can give to her husband that will have a similar effect as a husband complimenting his wife’s appearance? In your marriage or other romantic relationship, what if anything do you consciously do to make it “work”? Do you think you or your partner does more? Do you think in general that your marriage or other romantic relationship “works”? If not, why not?

Have you been living fully?

 

autobiography : a book about a person’s life, written by that persons  • emulate : to copy something achieved by someone else and try to do it as well as they have  • fantasize : to think about something very pleasant that is unlikely to happen  • figure : to be, appear, take part or be included in something  • follow through : to do something as the next part of an activity or period of development  • frustrate : to make someone feel annoyed or discouraged because they cannot achieve what they want  • in retrospect : thinking now about something in the past  • philosophy : someone’s approach to life and their way of dealing with it  • prominent : describes something that is in a position in which it is easily seen  • recall : to bring the memory of a past event into your mind, and often to give a description of what you remember  • regret : a feeling of sadness about something sad or wrong or about a mistake that you have made, and a wish that it could have been different and better  • tendency : If there is a tendency for something to happen, it is likely to happen or it often happens  • typical : showing all the characteristics that you would usually expect from a particular group of things  • variety : the characteristic of frequently changing and being different  • worthwhile : useful, important or beneficial enough to be a suitable reward for the money or time spent or the effort made

 

 

1 I have had a greater variety of experiences than most people my age.

How important is having a wide variety of experiences to you? Do you actively pursue a variety of new experiences, or do they mostly just seem to “happen” to you? During what time of your life have you had the most interesting experiences? What an interesting experience that you’ve had recently?

2 My life so far would make an interesting movie or novel.

Have you ever considered writing an autobiography or fantasized about making a movie about your life? What event or time in your life do you think would make the most interesting movie or novel? Why do you think so? Do you enjoy biographical books or movies? Why or why not? Can you think about such a book or move that you found especially interesting or valuable? What famous person do you think has led a very interesting life? Would you like to trade lives with this person?

3 Time passes quickly as I live, but seems long when I recall the past.

Do you find that some times in your life seem to take up a much larger, or much smaller, part of your memories? If so, what times are they, and why do you think they show this tendency? Do you sense that time seems to be going faster and faster? If so, why do you think this is the case?

4 I  wish I could return to some time in the past and relive it so I could do things differently from the way I did them the first time.

If your answer was yes, what is an example of something you would like to do differently? Do you regret what you actually did? Do you usually do more things that you shouldn’t, or not do more things that you should? What’s an example of something in the past that you did that you think you shouldn’t have done? What’s an example of something didn’t do but should have done? If you had to choose one time in your past to relive without changing anything, what time would you choose? Why?

5 Happy memories occur to me more often than do unhappy ones.

What are some examples of memories that you often recall? Why do you easily recall these memories? What is your earliest memory? What feelings do you associate with this memory? Do you think when you are old you will often recall this time in your life? Why or why not? What feelings do you think you will probably have about this time in your life?

6 The life I have lived so far is a good example for others to follow.

Have you ever used someone else’s life as an example for your own life? What about you or your life do you think it is most worthwhile for other people to emulate? Thinking of the people you are personally acquainted with, whose life do you think is the most worthy of emulating? Why do you think so?

7 I feel “behind” where I thought I would be five years ago.

Five years ago, how did you think your life would be now? How do you imagine your life being five years from now? Are you usually able to follow through with most of the plans you make? When you aren’t able to follow through, what are some typical reasons?

8 I must follow my life philosophy much more closely in the future than I have in the past.

How would you describe your life philosophy? In what ways do you think you are most in need of improvement? Would you say your philosophy is closer to “live hard” or “live easy”? In what areas do you think you have made the most improvement in the past few years?

WARM-UP QUESTIONS : Do you feel you are living a “full” life? Which aspects of your life are you most satisfied with? Which are you least satisfied with? Why? How would you describe your life philosophy?

// answer choices

– – =  Strongly disagree

– =  Tend to disagree

+ =  Tend to agree

++ +  Strongly agree

// scoring scheme

For questions 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 (shaded): 

– – = 0

– = 1

+ = 2

++ = 3

For questions 4, 7, 8

– – = 3

– = 2

+ = 1

++ = 0

// results

0 to 6 : You could be said to have been wasting your life, and you probably already realize this. There may be several reasons why you have not made much of your time. Many people in your situation suffer from severe depression, a sense of meaninglessness or hopelessness, or extreme fear. Whatever the cause, you need to discover what it is that is keeping you from getting what you want from my life, and start really living!

7 to 12 : You could not be said to be living fully, as you tend to waste much time doing things that are not closely related to your real needs and desires. You should refocus your life on things that are truly important to you.

13 to 18 : You could be said to have been living as fully or even slightly more fully than most people. You are likely to be quite satisfied with your life, but if you are not, you can consider how to use your time more effectively to complete more quickly tasks that are necessary even though they are not those that are truly meaningful to you.

19 to 24 : You have been living a full, and likely extremely satisfying life. Congratulations!

 

 

 

Individual speeches from last term (updated 03.12)

 

As I mentioned in class, everybody will give their individual speeches from last term during the first half of this term. Here is the schedule:

 

2008.03.11

(8:10 class) Jack, Abby

 

2008.03.18

(8:10 class) Zoe, Nina, Vivien, Tracy, Candy, Stephanie

(10:10 class) Eve, Kurt, Lisa, Cathy, Hanson, Emily, Ben, Connie

 

2008.03.25

(8:10 class) Kim, Sharon, Stacy, Christine

(10:10 class) Evan, Claire, Bruce, Michelle, Sabrina

 

2008.04.08

(8:10 class) Denise, Jessica, Hedy, Dora

(10:10 class) Tracy, Ingrid, Howard, Lili

 

2008.04.15

(8:10 class) Aaron, Cherry, Xenia, Jamie

(10:10 class) Yvonne, Missy Queenie, Nina

 

If you need to, please adjust the length of your speech so that it is about 3 minutes long. If you have any questions, please e-mail me at minn.song@gmail.com.

 

Looking forward to hearing your speeches…

 

 

The man who tried to sell his life

auction : a usually public sale of goods or property, where people make higher and higher bids for each item, until the item is sold to the person who will pay most  • bid : an offer of a particular amount of money for something which is for sale  • cranky : describes an unpleasant and easily annoyed person  • cuisine : a style of cooking  • deal : an agreement or an arrangement, especially in business  • developed : advanced or powerful  • fancy : expensive in a showy way  • flirt : to behave as if sexually attracted to someone, although not seriously  • genuine : If people or emotions are genuine, they are honest and sincere  • go through with something : to do something unpleasant or difficult that has already been agreed or promised  • handlebars : a bar with curved ends forming handles which turns the front wheel of a bicycle or motorcycle so that it points in a different direction  • handstand : an action in which you balance vertically on your hands with your legs pointing straight up in the air  • nemesis : Someone’s nemesis is a person or thing that is very difficult for them to defeat  • ominous : suggesting that something unpleasant is likely to happen  • piercing : a hole made in the body for wearing jewelry, or the process of making such a hole  • possession : something that you own or that you are carrying with you at any time  • potential : possible when the necessary conditions exist  • run its course : to develop and finish naturally  • second-hand : not new; having been used in the past by someone else  • seduce : to persuade someone to have sex with you, often someone younger than you, who has little experience of sex  • social : relating to activities in which you meet and spend time with other people and which happen during the time when you are not working  • sophisticated : having a good understanding of the way people behave and/or a good knowledge of culture and fashion  • spouse : a person’s husband or wife  • taste : a person’s appreciation of and liking for particular things  • train : to prepare or be prepared for a job, activity or sport, by learning skills and/or by mental or physical exercise  • trendy : modern and influenced by the most recent fashions or ideas  • twirl : to (cause to) give a sudden quick turn or set of turns in a circle  • warn : to make someone aware of a possible danger or problem, especially one in the future  • wonky : shaky, weak or unsatisfactory

 

Australian student sells his life on eBay

Would you like a new life? Nicael Holt, a 24-year-old philosophy student, is selling his on the auction site eBay, offering his name, worldly possessions, circle of friends, and lifestyle to the highest bidder. Bidding started at A$5 (£2) and closed yesterday at A$7,500. The sale attracted 48 bids, with the identity and gender of the highest bidder—codenamed “ridderstrade”—unknown. eBay did not comment on the sale, but allowed it to run its course. Holt said he would go through with the deal if any of the top five bidders were genuine and prepared to pay cash. “But,” he told a radio station yesterday, “if the next five bids aren’t serious, I think I might be just about ready to give up.” 

1 Which of you would be more willing to give up your current life and trade it for a completely new one?

How often do you fantasize about starting a completely new life? Have you ever fantasized about living someone else’s life? Would you be willing to bid for somebody else’s life? What if it were for only one year? If you tried to sell your own life on eBay, how much do you think people might bid? How much would you willing to sell your life for (if “your life” included just the things that Holt was trying to sell)? If somebody did buy your life and started to live it, what would you be most worried about?

Under an entry titled “New Life for Sale!!”, the possessions offered include Mr Holt’s bed, clothes, collection of 300 CDs, surfboard, skateboard, childhood photographs, backpack, “nice lamp which your ex-girlfriend bought you”, a bicycle with “wonky handlebars” and “piercings to the value of $180”.

2 Which of you owns more of the same things that Holt owns?

Which of Holt’s possessions do you also own? Have you ever gone surfing, skateboarding, or bicycling? Which of his possessions might you be interested in having? Have you ever bought anything second-hand? Do you own anything that was given to you by an ex-lover? Does your current lover or spouse know where it came from? Are there any possessions that you would absolutely never sell (either as part of your life or separately)?

Holt promised to introduce the buyer to his potential lovers—“around eight whom I have been flirting with”, as he put it on his eBay entry—and a broken relationship with a cranky ex-girlfriend. Mr Holt also offered to introduce the buyer to his social circle, comprising “15 close friends and about 170 other friends”. He wrote in his entry: “Friends will treat you exactly as they have treated me… take me running, surfing, climbing and cook for me.” However, Mr Holt warned in ominous tones: “I have 2 nemeses.”

3 Which of you has been flirting with more potential lovers?

How many people are you regularly flirting with these days? How do you flirt? Does eight potential lovers seem like a large number to you? Do you only flirt with people who are potential lovers, or do you sometimes just flirt with someone for fun? Who is someone you know who is especially fun to flirt with?

4 Which of you has a social life that is probably more similar to Holt’s?

How many close friends do you have? Does 15 close friends seem like many to you? About how many people do you consider to be your “friends”? How do you close friends treat you? What do you usually do together? Would you be interested in being introduced into Holt’s social circle? Do you think it might be fun to be treated by Holt’s friends the same way they treat him?

5 Which of you has more nemeses?

How many nemeses do you have? How did these people become your nemeses? What nemeses have you had in the past?

Holt also said the deal would include a four-week training course “in becoming me”, including fashion sense, taste in food and “style of seduction”. He wrote that he would give the buyer “lessons in my personal history (the good and the bad stuff)”, and teach them his skills, including surfing, skateboarding, handstands and “fire-twirling”.

6 Which of you has a trendier fashion sense?

Where do you get ideas on how to dress? What are some of your favorite clothing brands? Where do you get most of your clothes? How important to you is it to dress “fashionably”? Are there certain styles of clothing that you like even though they’re not considered fashionable? Do you still wear clothing of that style? Are there any styles of clothing that you dislike, even though they’re considered fashionable?

7 Which of you has more sophisticated taste in food?

What are some of your favorite cuisines? What about your favorite dishes within those cuisines? Where do you go to eat these dishes? What is the fanciest restaurant you have ever been to? What about the most expensive meal you have ever eaten?

8 Which of you has a more developed “style of seduction”?

Can you describe your “style of seduction”? How effective do you think it is? Where did you learn, or how did you develop, this style of seduction? What style of seduction is effective on you?

9 Which of you would require a longer training course in “becoming you”?

What skills would someone need to learn to “become you”? Besides skills, what are some other things that someone one would need to learn if they wanted to “become you”—in other words, what qualities make you different from other people? Would you be interested in taking a four-week training course to learn about Holt’s style of seduction or any of the other things he’s offering to teach? Do you think it would be interesting, or boring, to have lessons in someone’s personal history? Which of Holt’s skills would you like to learn? Having learned about Holt and his life, how much would you be willing to bid for it?

WARM-UP QUESTIONS : What have you sold online? What have you bought online? Has anyone you know bought or sold something online from another person? What was it and what happened?

Homework assignment (due March 9)

 

Write a thesis statement for a 3-minute speech about this topic: living well. Remember to narrow the focus of the topic, and make sure that the answers to these 4 questions are all “yes”:

1 Does this topic interest me or have the potential to interest me?

2 Is this topic interesting or important to my audience (your classmates in this case)?

3 Do I know, or am I likely to find, enough supporting information for this topic?

4 Do I know enough about this topic to start researching it and analyze what I find?

Here is an example of narrowing the focus of a topic, and then creating a thesis statement that describes the main message of the speech: 

[x] Baseball: too broad

[o] Wang Chien-ming uses three very different pitches to win games for the Yankees.

Send your thesis statement to me by e-mail (minn.song@gmail.com), and remember to include your name in your e-mail. Good luck!

 

 

How passive or aggressive are you?

 

attitude : a feeling or opinion about something or someone, or a way of behaving that is caused by this  • compete : to try to be more successful than someone or something else  • criticize : to express disapproval of someone or something  • determination : the ability to continue trying to do something, although it is very difficult  • discourage : to make someone feel less confident, enthusiastic and positive about something, or less willing to do something  • energetic : having the power and ability to be physically and mentally active  • exhausting : making you feel extremely tired  • failure : when someone or something does not succeed  • horoscope : a description of what is going to happen to you, based on the position of the stars and planets at the time of your birth  • influence : the power to have an effect on people or things, or a person or thing that is able to do this  • justified : having a good reason for something  • lack : to not have or not have enough of something that is needed or wanted  • motivated : have a reason for doing something  • opposition : strong disagreement  • overtly : do or show publicly or in an obvious way; not secretly  • pitiable : making people feel sympathy  • praise : to express admiration or approval about the achievements or characteristics of a person or thing  • private : describes thoughts and opinions which are secret and which you do not discuss with other people  •  setback : something that happens which delays or prevents a process from advancing  • suffer : to experience physical or mental pain  • superstition : belief which is not based on human reason or scientific knowledge, but is connected with old ideas about magic, etc  • sympathy : understanding and care for someone else’s suffering  • tempted : to want something or to want to do something  • Zodiac sign : in astrology, any of the twelve symbols which represent parts of the year

HOW TO SCORE: Give yourself 1 point for each “yes” answer to the questions.

01 Do you pay much attention to your horoscope, a fortuneteller’s predictions, or other indications of what your future may hold?

What is your Zodiac sign? What is your character supposed to be like according to your sign? Is your character in fact similar to this? Have you ever visited a fortuneteller? If so, what were some of the predictions the fortuneteller made, and how accurate were they? What are some of the superstitions you have?

02 Do you believe that luck plays a very important role in deciding whether or not someone can be successful?

Do you believe that there is such a thing as luck? How lucky do you think you are? Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you had extremely good or extremely bad luck? Can you give an example of either a person who became successful mostly through luck, or a person who failed mostly because of bad luck? What other qualities do you think are most important for success? Do you have these qualities?

03 Do you often feel sorry for yourself?

What about yourself or your life do you consider pitiable? When you are suffering, do you want people to know that you are and to show their sympathy? Or do you prefer to keep your suffering private? Are there any people in your family or circle of friends that you consider pitiable? If so, why?

04 Do you think your life is being influenced in a bad way by other people?

Are there any people in your life that you consider to be a bad influence? If so, who are they and what are they doing that you think is negatively influencing your life? Who are the biggest positive influences in your life?

05 Do you dislike situations in which you must compete with other people to get something that you want?

Can you give an example of a time when you were in this situation? What happened? Do you consider yourself a competitive person? In what ways, or in what areas of your life—for example, work or sports—are you most competitive? Does it upset you very much when you lose? A famous tennis player (Jimmy Connors) once said, “I hate to lose more than I love to win.” Do you agree with him?

06 Do you give up easily?

Can you give some examples that show why you answered the way you did? Have you ever given up trying to do something that you later realized you could have done? Have you ever shown an unusual amount of determination to do something that people that you would give up on? If so, why were you unwilling to give up?

07 Would you say that you lack a strong sense of what you want from life?

If so, do you think this a bad thing? What things do you most want from life? Why? So far, do you think you have gotten most of what you have wanted from life? Why or why not?

08 Would you say that fear of failure keeps you from doing many things you would otherwise like to do?

Can you describe your attitude toward failure in more detail? Is there any particular failure that influenced you strongly?

09 Would you say that you have a more difficult time recovering from setbacks than most people do?

When was the last major setback you suffered? How did you respond to it? Have there been any setbacks from which you never fully recovered? Have you ever experienced setbacks in learning English? If so, what did you do to recover from these setbacks?

10 Do you usually need pressure to get motivated to get something done?

If there is no outside pressure, how do you motivate yourself to do something that you don’t particularly want to do?

How much pressure do you feel you are under now? Where does this pressure come from?

11 When you are criticized wrongly, do you generally accept it without much opposition?

What are most often criticized for? Do you think this criticism is justified? Which person criticizes you most often? Do you consider this person’s criticism helpful or just annoying? Are you easily discouraged by criticism? Do you think criticism or praise is more effective at motivating you to do better?

12 Before expressing your interest in or affection for another person—whether overtly or not—do you generally wait until you are sure he or she feels the same way toward you?

If your answer is yes, why do you generally wait? If your answer is no, why do you generally not wait? Have you ever pursued a romantic interest very aggressively? Have you ever been pursued romantically by someone you disliked?

RESULT

0 to 3 : You are a “go-getter” in the extreme, very aggressively pursuing what you want and refusing to be controlled by outside events or other people. Because of this aggressiveness, you may encounter much conflict in your life, or find yourself frustrated  by those things that you expend much effort pursuing but are unable to obtain.

4 to 7 :  You tend to be aggressive, though in certain areas, you may be quite passive. You have struck a good balance between working hard to get things you want and not wasting effort on things that are not worth it or that might give rise to undesirable conflict.

8 to 11 : You tend to be more passive, accepting much of what life gives you. Generally speaking, only in those areas that are extremely important to you are you motivated to act. Unless your character is stoic, you are unlikely to be very satisfied with your life.

12 to 15 : You are extremely passive, making little effort to get the things you really want, even the things that would be relatively easy to have. You generally act on your own initiative only when overcome by extreme passion. You are either extremely contented with life, having “submitted” to your fate, or extremely unsatisfied, because you rarely get what you want.

WARM-UP QUESTIONS : When you want something, are you willing to work very hard to get it? What is an example of something that you worked very hard to get? What is an example of something that you wanted that you gave up on?